I flexed my toes beneath the water, as I was stomach-level in the coolness of the lake. I peered down at something white underwater, like the clam shells we were mudding around to find earlier. Katrina was walking along the goopy shores of the river and picking them up. Chris was playing with his new favorite toad that hop-alonged his path. He became giddy like a little boy and frolicked around in his gleam as he held it with his two palms. He almost threw Katrina in the river after he handed it over to pass and she teased him by "throwing it into the river currents (when all she did was pick up a schploop of mud and chucked that instead lol)."
I was in my chocolate brown-tie bikini on the lakeshore beach. It was V-shaped as it tied around the back of my neck. It wasn't as skin showy. The 2'' thick strap tied underneath and around my back, and I had the lowcut bottoms. Yeah, sure as heck I was afraid to wear it, in my being so pallid and sick in color than I have been. Katrina really liked it on me when I tried it on in the bathroom and slipped my clothes on over the pieces. Also, I've never worn something like that type of swimsuit before, especially in front of people... or even a guy. I had to brave it and it wasn't all that bad anyways, except for the bareness of my flesh being revealed and then entering into the lake.
We laughed at my statements and ideas of getting the others in to the lake ("How many Kortmans can I get to hate me by the end of this trip?" he said). We'd throw my mom into the water. We'd pile mud on top of Ruth's stomach as she was tanning. Katrina was already thrown in by Chris and was all mangled, angry, and wet. She used his towel to dry herself off and Ruth used it to wipe of the mud, in spite of his tactics. Thank goodness I wasn't schemed on, since I actually went in, but also because my ankle was already tender enough and hurting from the hike earlier (let's keep that all in disclosure for this period of time lol).
Never before had I felt God speak to me in the quiet of the naturesque landscape and pathways, then feel like Moses with my walking stick to keep the weight off of my injured foot and by the waters and in so many ways that I could recollect. Somehow, I still and will always feel like a foreigner towards people. I know that I'm not your average, everyday, lady-to-speak-of. I've been differently fashioned and shaped throughout my life to have been able to see these things and have these abilities now. I discovered a new gift that God has given me that I've had all along, but only just utilized now. Not only have I received Tongues but also what the fundamentalists call "The Gift of Dreams and Interpretation." Kind of like Joseph, but... more girly lol. Reading The Purpose Driven Life has really drove me to grow a whole lot more than I realized. I've been reading this really good book called, "Lord, save us from your followers!" and so far it's been the most amazing thing I've read in a long time about religious fanatics, and so true.
Some sentence fragments of passing memories that I can remember of the vacation, to elaborate later on this post:
Us all making a pact to pray for Ruth for 3 months.
Finding clams and their shells with pearl in them to raise money for college lol.
Making TeddyBear graham smores.
Willis meets the heart of a Bennelli.
Finding Casszilla rocks, The Raptor claw, and the Egg in which I was born in.
Hiding my own exhaustion (terrified for being too tired to even write).
Why does my mom think she ruins everything?
The true value of a pearl that is in a clam, and the wide or narrow pathways we walk on.
It was a heartache to see you go, dressed up to deal your way out.
He reached down into the waters with his long and muscular arms and grabbed the object by my foot and brought it up, since I couldn't grasp it with my toes. It wasn't like the clams that we gathered and roasted over the fire to eat, like I had thought.
It was a plastic orange toy fish with sparkley stickered eyes and a flimsy rubber tail, with zebra stripes for detail.
Oh look, we found Nemo =)
I found him in more ways than one.
*sigh*
sleepyI thought that seven years later I would be okay; that your death would no longer hold this extreme void over my mind, body, and soul. It seems like lately I was wrong though; I haven't been able to get you off of my mind over the last week or so. It seems as if everything I do involves you and I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I seriously wish that I could have been the one that had their life suddenly taken from them so that you could have lived a long life. Everyone loved you; recently I've felt as if no one cares about me. I feel that if I was the one that died than everyone would be living better with you here instead. That everyone would be content because their greatest friend and hero and favorite family member would be here instead of me; I just take up space and breathe air that I swear people wish I didn't.
I'm sick of fighting with everyone and having all of these crummy days. I'm sick of living this life that no matter how hard I try to change it, I can't. I'm sick of people lying to me and telling me things when in all actuality they don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. I'm sick of trying to do great things for myself and not having anyone appreciate me. I wish that I could go back in time to when I was the happiest; when I was a six year old girl who's clothes never matched and G.I. Joe's were my favorite toys; to the time where I didn't have to fret over work, school, and money. To the point where it seemed like life wasn't challenging everyone and before being skinny and pretty mattered to everyone. To that neighborhood where things didn't go wrong; where the neighborhood kids let me play in their sports games and everyone actually talked.
I'm so sick of reality and life. It seems as if I'll never be skinny enough or pretty enough for anyone. Celebrities have everything and I can barely manage to pay my damn bills on time anymore. Where all the gossip involves the people with money who can afford plastic surgery and who can look like the perfect human being. Not someone like me who is gaining weight and can't seem to do anything right. The girl who can't accept the way she looks; the girl who wants to lose ten pounds just so she can be content with her body; who knows that she'll never be perfect enough of envied enough. That girl who wants to just be normal where nothing matters to people and cliques never existed.
I want to run anyway. August and school isn't going to come soon enough.
I know this is extremely jumbled; who cares anymore.
blahI'm in turmoil right now. I promised myself that I would work whenever Linda was here and I would take my "breaks" when she was not. This is because I don't have much time left at work and there's actually a lot of work to do. And I haven't been working much. At all. Not at all.
So I worked all day and cleaned off my desk. This is a big deal. I put everything away and did all the little to-dos that have been nagging me for weeks. I also just threw a lot of stuff away. I'm not here long enough to keep track of who is looking for what loom and who wants this help and who wants that. That stuff was never going to get done anyway so I just threw it away and it feels great. I watered my Guild plant. I did the dishes. I looked through some magazines. I deposited money. I ordered supplies. I sent thank you letters. I think I did OK. My plan for this evening was to do the workshop schedule but Linda left early. So I'm sitting here wondering if I should keep going or try to work on a little something for me.
Chad had an interesting thing happen to him this week. He got a bill in the mail for "hand therapy" and it included custom splints and some other stuff. The bill was for $300 and it was sent to our address. But it wasn't his. He called the clinic that supplied this therapy and discovered it was for another Chad with the same last name and the same birthday and same birth year. The clinic assumed that was him and billed him. But after Chad talked to them they realized it was supposed to be for a Chad with a middle initial A instead of my Chad whose middle initial is M.
Nothing like that will ever happen to me. I decided I am not going to change my name if I get married. I don't know what that means if I ever have kids, but whatever. They'll deal.
I have a headache. My brain/body thinks I am hungry but I don't think I am. Maybe I am. I just ate a pita with chicken and veggies and yogurt sauce. That should be enough. But no... it doesn't seem to be. I ate too much this weekend probably. First of all, I was doing really well with the limited pop thing. But my parents bought about 100 kinds of pop for this weekend. They had orange and grape and Coke and all sorts of different things so I partook. Then we had big lunches and dinners and snacks and smores and pie. And parade candy. And mini donuts. Anyway, I ate a lot. I've been eating this leftover chicken pita stuff for lunch the last 2 days and me and Chad shared a small taco dinner last night. So I am doing better now that I am on my own, but still. I am hungry for some reason right now.
I think I will get hummus from the grocery store since I have all these pitas but no toppings. Hummus and pita and what? What does a person eat besides that?
I'm just spewing random thoughts out of myself right now. Uninteresting.
boredToday I met up with Jennika and the twins (Jessica and Frida) in Gothenburg and we ate at a café. So the only thing I ate today was a piece of sticky chocolatecake. Except some youghurt this morning. I guess I've almost started to eat like her. But this was really unintentional. Honestly.
I spent the whole day with them and it was nice talking about this and that and Emma even called Frida up from London while we were talking. Frida and Jessica knows that Emma and I have feelings for each other.
Tomorrow I'm going to Sticky Fingers with Jennika and bisexual Martin to drink and afterwards I'm going to go out with Johanna and Rebecca. Fun! It'll probably be lovely meeting those people again. I hope Joh managed to pass her Maths B-course she was studying for a month during summer.
Oh fuck! My whole troat hurts (a fucking lot). I'll be amazed if I can drink anything tomorrow. But I need the alcohol to drink away some miseries.
Am going to sleep over at the twins with Jennika this weekend. Fun! We're gonna party and drink aswell. I'll need that. REALLY.
xx
cheerful (as if)Кто-то умный сказал, что "мы - CEO своей собственной жизни", но из меня в последнее время какой-то откровенно хреновенький CEO, при, казалось бы, внешнем удовлетворении акционеров. Да что уж, там CEO, из меня даже проджект-менеджер никудышний. Я бы уволила себя. Но не могу. Акционеры...
Originally published at Once upon a mellow noon. You can comment here or there.
Once upon a time. Once upon a time…a time. upon once Once upon a time once upon a time once upon a time time time time time time. upon. once once
Once upon a time Once UPON a time. Once upon A time. Once upon a TIME. ONCE,
upon a time…
Onceuponatimeonceuponatimeonceuponatimeo
Once,
onceonceonceonce,
Once….upon a time.
(?????!!!!!!!rrrrrr!!!bah)
And then….And now…So, then…So then, like, he you know? No. No? No. Once upon a time? Once upon a time.
*sigh*
Ok,
[and then David got tired, his cofee ran out, the music stopped and he realized there was enough time to watch one more episode of House tonight and this has taken about an hour and a half already. Been fun, see y'all tomorrow.]
I did go see Independence Day at Cinemark for the Friday night midnight movie on July 4th, woot. Much fun.
I spent a lot of time working on teaching myself css and have a rudimentary website built, but the fact that IE seems to hate CSS is making my brain hurt. I've always built sites for mozilla browsers, since it's the less-forgiving browser, and therefore if something looks good there, it looks good pretty much everywhere. Not so anymore, chickadee.
The css is going well, so to speak. I've got some of the basics down, now I'm trying to master the concept of making things be where I want them on a page. If anyone has any recommendations on books I could buy for css I'd be grateful.
We also have been teaching Aerys to walk on a leash. I know, people look silly walking cats on leashes, but I don't want him to be an outdoor cat, I just want a cat I can take outside at times. Aerys LOVES going outside, except he is afraid of the stairs and the doors. He enjoys running around, pouncing on everything including bees (facepalm), and is very happy. We're pleased he's doing well. He only gets a little time outside -- for one thing, its very hot out! -- and we don't want him to expect it all the time.
Вот несколько...эммм...занимательных фактов оттуда:
* Первый синтетический наркотик изготовил знаменитый врач Парацельс на основе опиума, назвав его "лауданум".
* в состав всем известного обезболивающего лекарства пенталгин входит кодеин, официально признанный наркотиком
* амфетамины использовались в американской армии во время войны для поддержания воли солдат, а позднее были популярны у дальнобойщиков и спортсменов
* в городах с населением свыше 100 тыс. человек заболеваемость шизофренией возрастает прямо пропорционально количеству жителей.
* Статистически доказано, что вероятность заболеть шизофренией в течение жизни выше у тех, кто родился в конце зимы и в начале осени.
* дефицит витаминов группы В (тиамина) вызывает делирий.
чистый, чистый человек! некоторые со мной спорят, мол, не нужна нафиг вся эта физика с химией в школах. Теперь и правда вижу, что не нужна. Мир без знания становится удивительным, ярким и очень неожиданным :) еще костров с ведьмами не хватает для свету!
возможно все дело в том,что мне надоели люди?! в некоторой мери,я и сама себе той-прежней надоела.и суть ни в переменах.а в их необходимости.
кто-то меняет прическу.кто-то бросает курить.кто-то начинает создавать что-то новое..строить новые отношения..открывая тем самым,неизведанные двери.кто-то отпускает,а кто-то цепляется изо-всех сил.неустанно продолжая ломать крылья и сбивать коленки в кровь..кто-то готовить кофе в постель для любимого.а я снова забываю закрыть на ночь дверь на нижний замок.так словно,уже совсем ничего не боюсь..так или иначе,все это поиск.
нет и вправду..так странно.я не изменила прическу.я не изменила себе в своих предпочтениях и привычках.я все также живу дома.на стене величаво красуются старинные часы.я иду бегать в своих затертых кросах..и после кнопки "play" понеслась совсем другая жизнь.........но что-то внутри меня оборвалось.
а еще..когда говорят,что мол "журавель в небе - это потеря" все это ерунда!!!! на самом деле,нет ничего хуже.чем та маленькая синица в руке,что никогда не станет чем-то большим.впр.это имхо.
touchedwill be in Jackson doing low cost spays & neuters for CATS ONLY.
South Jackson/Near Metrocenter
"Big Rig Fix"
July 10th & 11th
(Thurs & Fri)
CATS ONLY (over 3 lbs)
Cost:
Cats $25 to $55 + $5 rabies (depends on income + if male/female cat)
(There may be other programs/discounts if you financially qualify)
This is open to EVERYONE.
Goals: to reduce the unwanted pet population in Mississippi.
More info at www.msspan.org
or email: msspancallcenter@bellsouth.net
To call or schedule your appointment: 1-866-901-7729
Leave a message and they will return your call within 72 hrs between 4-8 p.m.
This is a non-profit organization trying to make a difference in our pets lives. Or you can walk-in as we often have no-shows. Drop off is 7:30 to 8 so 8-8:30 is a good time for walk-ins. We are located just inside the Mississippi Animal Rescue League's gates (located around 0.3 miles from the hwy 18 Walmart). We are not affiliated with MARL but they are letting us use their property to have the rig there until our permanent clinic in Pearl opens in September. PICK-UP is the same day around 4 p.m. Please bring your cats in kennels with no food after midnight (unless tiny kittens and then just don't feed a big meal the morning of surgery).
-Therapy avec Dr Rodin
-All 3 subjects in school
-Miss Wood caught me up to ask me to come to school tomorrow to work on my video for the town mill exhibition.
It was somewhat a nothing-y day.
On Sunday I went to see Prince Caspian with my Daddy. It was a little over ego-centrical and somewhat intensive in terms of sentimentality.
Still, it was nice getting out.
On the upside of things, my dear daddy has bought 4 tickets to see MGMT in Bristol's Carling Academy on November 7th. Laura and Dave are coming =) and maybe Klara if she can get herself a ticket.
Geez, how I plan ahead. It's my birthday a week after work experience, which is the entirety of this next week to come...
For the saturday, here are my plans:-
The 19th July
Open pressies in Campervan at crystal Palace =) ...Hopefully make use of presents during the day.
Early morning start. Breakfast in the foodhall at Harrods, some fresh fruit maybe and a krispy creme donut, or pastry from the boulongerie or cake from the pattiserie.
Walk through Knightsbridge to Kensington. Natural history museum, checking out ecology and genetics and the wildlife garden.
High street Kensington and then sloane square-checking out charity shops and posh shops. May purchase some clothes from topshop or Uniquo or primeark or TK max... or all of them... or a combination of them. Lunch a la Pret a manger o Crushh... Or a good 'ol M&S simply food or boots meal deal.
Afternoon walking through Hyde Park?
Dinner at RASA in stoke Newington, preferably, but if not Bond street off Oxford street.
Cinema to see Angus thongs and full frontal snogging? Or Lovebox festival in Victoria park...
dunno ;)
Oh, and tomorrow's plan.
8.50 orthadentist exeter
should take 10ish minutes.
in exeter til 12?
cereal bar in car, snack in town, buy lunch to bring to school.
Get into school about 2ish? work on film project.
In town buy: birthday cake (i'm thinking doctor who)
stuff for campervan for next week-eg pan meals, pasta dishes, grills etc
Wednesday after schoolll? film? go down Lyme?
hmm I shall consider.
and homework at some point.
Laboratory work for Biology.
etc :P
I like planning.
It settles me.
x
Originally published at Once upon a mellow noon. You can comment here or there.
Jennifer Pelland, interviewed by Charles Tan.
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contemplative2. I watched the first episode of Lipstick Jungle last night - a little slow off the mark, but I've been busy. I really liked it. Also watched the last episode of Australia's Next Top Model (also slow off the mark!) and enjoyed that. Unlike most people I think, I was happy with the winner. Then again, I wasn't impressed with the winner last year and now think she's fantastic.
3. I am going into the city this afternoon to buy a couple of DVDs which I am looking forward to. The first Marian Keyes book I ever read was Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married. I was sick and Dad was shopping and picked it up for me. I loved it and couldn't believe I'd not seen it before (Dad is great at doing things like that). Anyway, you can buy a DVD mini series of the story, so I plan to.
4. Nicole and Keith had their baby - Sunday. I quite like the name, but am already hearing some puns. As
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
little_sausagesaid in her journal, at work they're calling her "Sunday Roast" instead of "Sunday Rose". When discussing it with my friends, one asked if it was a messy C Section... because if so it'd be "Sunday Bloody Sunday". Another said that Sunday wasn't Keith's preference for the name. He had "Friday on his mind". Ha! 5. I played on my sister's Wii Fit when I was up in Brisbane and loved it. I got mine on the weekend, and set it up this morning. Very cool, very fun. I picked the male trainer up in Brisbane (we like to call him Bob) and I picked the female trainer down here (we like to call her Gillian). I think I dislike the female's voice.
I got my TA assignment today. I get to be the TA in Baroque to Modern Art History... yay! It was my first choice! And... I don't have to do it until April so I can prepare! Even better!
I decided to make the M sweater. It seems that it will fit my bust better. My bust has been the same size for (at least) 2 years now so I don't think that will change, even if I lose 10-20 pounds. I will try to verify this with some other folks, but I am pretty confident that a M will work. I just don't want the sweater to be too big... too baggy. But I am hoping that it won't be. And I'm super tired of too-small sweaters. All of mine currently are.
Finally, me and Chad were approved for the apartment I want in California. It sounds like they have openings but the landlord is being really, really nice and is waiting for the appropriate special to take effect so I can get a deal. I need to decide if I want to buy my own fridge though. I have to pay extra if I want them to provide one so it might be cheaper to buy it myself. My sister just bought a fridge for her new house and it cost $1700 so I am not quite sure what would be a better deal. The rent for a washer, dryer and fridge is about $100 per month, so that would be $2400 over two years. Advice is welcomed.
I am sunburnt all over my body. I look like a pink pig.
excited